Ice Cream is My Enemy

Repeat after me in  outrageous French accent:  Ice Crrrreammmm, she eez zee enemeeeeeeee
Ice cream is the enemy because it pretends to be my friend.  My two evil cravings tend to be fast food (with its salty french fry goodness) and  ice cream.  The thing about the fast food is its easier to resist because I know how crappy and greasy and gross it makes me feel afterwards.  I know it’s bad, and it doesn’t pretend otherwise.  But ice cream doesn’t make me feel bad.  Even if I gorge on it.  It makes me sleepy and happy.  It talks me into gaining 15 lbs in one sitting.  Well, not one sitting, but you know what I mean.
After I had Neve I managed to lose all the weight plus extra (I know, right????) and I felt pretty great.  Then I went back to work. And what a job experience that was.  I temped for the most evil woman in the world.  The kind that tells you to put all other projects aside and work on this one very important thing, and then when you complete it and hand it to her she not only yells at you for putting all of your efforts into something so unimportant, she also wants to know who the hell told you to do it in the first place.  And you can’t tell her that it was her, because then she accuses you of lying.  The kind that everyone else knows about and random people in the cafeteria express their sympathy for you.  My co-worker and I would hide out in her office and cry together.  I cried all the way home every night.  And then the siren song of ice cream began to call.  It soothed me with its creamy goodness and told me everything would be ok.  It would fix all of my problems.  It lulled me into a not quite peaceful state where I was not able to get any sleep but I could certainly stay up late eating pint after pint of The Full Vermonty and One Sweet Whirled.  I began stopping to get some every night.  Before I knew it my pants weren’t quite going on as easily.  My fat roll was becoming more prominent and then I developed (gasp!) a muffin top.  The horror!
But you see now I know better.  I have learned from my ill-fated love affair with Ben and Jerry.  SO that craving I am having for Cookie Dough?  I am going to drown it with water.
Ok, maybe I’ll have just one bite……….

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