A Day In The Life

12:30 am – off to bed finally.

1:30 am – Wake up to pititful cries of Juice!  Juice! from little Oona.  Administer sippy cup (full of water, not juice), briefly fall back to sleep before waking to DONE!!! and having said sippy cup smacked rudely into face.  Put sippy cup back on nightstand.

2:00 am -Wake up to whining and cries of Cuddle!! from a very restless Oona.  Attempts to cuddle are met with cries of Stop it!  Stop it!  Hey!! Wrestle for 20 minutes trying to get her into a happy and sleepy place.

2:30 am.  PACI!!!! Fumble around in the dark looking for paci in the sheets.  Check under pillows.  Roll over and squint through the darkness on the floor.  Give up and turn on light, ignoring increasingly louder screams for paci.  Pull apart bedsheets and blankets lookng for GD paci.  Concede defeat, grab Oona, go downstairs in search of paci.

2:45 am – back to bed.

7:00 am.  Aware that Oona is wide awake and crawling over to side of bed to get down.  Stop her.  Get rewarded with crying.

10:00 am – Unhappily roll out of bed after enduring 3 hours of restless baby crawling all over and pulling at hair and trying to go downstairs by herself.

10:05 – make coffee while holding Oona, who has begun to scream Oh-gook!!! Grab yogurt out of fridge, sit Oona on bar stool in kitchen with her yogurt, sit down and attempt to drink coffee.

10:10 – finished with her yogurt, Oona throws herself face first off of stool onto floor and cries.

10:15 – cuddling on couch with Oona.

10:20 – Oona throws her weight around and spills now cold cup of coffee all over lap and couch.  Grumble loudly and get up to clean self off and make new cup of coffee.  Neve begins whining campaign in attempt to get her oatmeal made for her.

11:00 am – pull small tick off of belly while getting into shower.  Shampoo while Oona chants Shake your Butt and destroys a roll of toilet paper.

12:00 pm – Oona is total mess 15 minutes after being cleaned and dressed.  Neve wants lunch.  Oona is screaming for apples.  Remind Neve she still has half full bowl of oatmeal to finish.  Watch her stomp and cry.  Manage to elude Oona long enough to get dog on leash and out the back door to relieve herself.  Dog stands still and woeful, unwilling to answer her clearly pressing need due to the rain.  Sigh, return to house, give Oona juice, turn on Spongebob, go to garage with Oona screaming and hot on heels.  Listen to Oona scream on other side of door while getting chicken feed ready.

12:20.  Fall face first into chicken coop while attempting to feed.  Feebly swat away flies with poop – covered hands.  Close up coop after finishing chicken duties.

2:00pm – Cleaned of poop, lunch made and eaten, dishes done, Oona cleaned up from her 4th or 5th meal of the day, relaxing on couch trying to knit.  Oona believes this is “jungle gym” time.  Become increasingly frustrated over arms and feet in face, elbows digging into belly, rancid poopie smell coming from her diaper.  Oona grabs at knitting needles and rips sock in progress away and throws it across room.

2:30 pm – after much wrestling finally manage to convince Oona her diaper needs to be changed.  She continues kicking while being cleanup up, and the dog is frantically asking to go back out.  Throw out diaper, wash hands and grab leash with Oona hanging off of left leg.  Take dog and Oona out in rain.  Dog refuses to budge again.  Walk out into wet and muddy yard with dog, wait full 10 minutes before dog finally does her business.  Go back inside.  EMily and Neve are screaming at each other.  Break up fight.  Emily stomps away in a fury.  Neve wants to know if it is lunch time yet.

3:00 pm.  Oona a total cranky mess,  clearly in need of a nap.  Oona pulls Neve’s hair and tries to rip keys off of laptop.  Stop her and she yells HEY!! and begins throwing tantrum, still holding firmly to Neve’s hair.  Emily yelling at Oona to stop and at Neve to stop.  Yell at Emily to mind her own business.  Emily stomps away in a fury.  Oona lets go of Neve’s hair and demands a marshmallow.

3:30 pm.  Oona still crying for marshmallow.  Opt instead to put her in car and drive around the block to put her to sleep.

3:45 pm  -Oona is asleep after a brief trip to the end of our road.  Put her in bed.  Neve asks for a snack.  Emily wants help with making her bracelet.  Neve can’t find her crayons.  Clean up mess from lunch.  Feed dog, finally.  Emily begs to have coffee.  Refuse.  Emily begs louder and Neve joins.  Give emphatic NO!  EMily stomps off in a fury.  Remark under breath that she will really get it if she wakes up the baby.  Neve begins rough housing with dog.  Give menacing look at both.

4:00 pm – Tidy up downstairs and water hanging flower baskets out front that are too sheltered to benefit from the rain.  Send Emily out with umbrella to check the mail.  Receive incorrect bill of $2,000.00 from insurance company.  Spend half an hour on phone with them while Neve hops around singing and dancing, making too much noise and begging for a marshmallow.  Emily still wants coffee.

5:00 pm Dog barks loudly at Fed-ex truck delivering our monthly coffee shipment.  Neve screams Someone’s here!! and runs for the door, despite being told 800 billion times to NEVER do that.  Emily comes down the stairs with a wide awake Oona in her arms, claiming the dog woke her up.  Neve wants to know what is for dinner.  Resist urge to throw box of coffee at her.

6:00 pm Finish cooking spaghetti while holding Oona.  Find that her diaper has leaked.  Change shirt and put new diaper and dress on Oona.  Serve dinner to kids.  Dog needs to go out again.

6:30 grab plate of food to eat.  Oona screams Cuddle and demands to be held in lap – this makes eating difficult and pretty much guarantees she will be sharing.  Find her juice cup and refill it for her.  Allow kids to play on the Wii while attempting to gain some nourishment.

6:45 pm – Emily and Neve are screaming at each other over game.  Refuse to listen to any instructions.  Turn off Wii.  Emily stomps off in a fury.  Neve wants dessert.  Dog still needs to go out.

7:15 – Clean pile of dog poop off of living room floor.

7:30 pm – clean up dinner mess while holding Oona.

8:00 pm – Sit down on couch, feet aching.  Oona screams for crackers.  Ask Emily to get Oona one graham cracker.  Emily gives her the whole box.

8:10 pm – Oona feeds entire box of graham crackers to the dog.

8:30 pm – fight Oona to change another poopie diaper.

9:00 pm – Yell at older kids to clean up their various messes all over the living and dining rooms.  Neve whines and claims it’s all Emily’s fault.  Put Oona in jammies.  Grab Liquid antibitoics and dropper and begin hunt for Jasper cat.  Put Oona on bed and ask her to stay put while Jasper gets his medicine.  Lock self and cat in bathroom while Oona pounds on door and screams.  Wrap cat in towel, jab dropper in his mouth, squirt meds.  Cat becomes angry but swallows anyway.  Feel bad for the best behaved member of the household and let him go.

9:10 pm.  Open door for Oona who is now naked and wants to sit on her potty.

9:15 pm – re – diaper and dress Oona while Emily and Neve fight over something downstairs.  Ignore it.  Sit on couch with Oona and knitting and try to relax and wait for Oona to go to sleep.

10:00 pm – Neve running around like a wild hooligan and screeching with Oona.  Every attempt to calm them down fails.  Finally scream at Neve to sit quietly and watch tv or go to her room.  Neve stomps away muttering under her breath but goes no further than the kitchen.  Resumes wild behavior 5 minutes later.

10:05 pm – Yell at Neve and repeat warning.  Neve argues she doesn’t want to go upstairs and wants to play with Oona.  Begin counting to three.  Neve stomps toward the stairs crying and screaming.  Oona laughs and demands more “oh-gook”.

10:30 pm – Neve sneaks back down and begins roughing around with the dog and Oona again.  Yell at her yet again and send her back upstairs.  Hear crash from up there.  Ignore it.  Oona continues to careen around wildly and jump on couch, tearing away yarn and making knitting impossible.  Dog begins barking wildly at thumping noises Neve is making upstairs.  Give up on knitting and pour glass of soda.  Bemoan inability to drink alcohol due to being sole adult in the house.  Neve returns and begins crying about wanting to open dvd cabinet to pick out a movie.  Oona immediately tries to get in the cabinet as well.  Yell at Neve to go back upstairs while she throws massive tantrum.  Oona demands soda while Emily tries to cuddle her, making her mad.  Yell at Emily to let her go.  Emily stomps off in a fury.

11:15 pm.  Laying in bed with Oona trying to convince her to go to sleep.  Dog is chasing the cat downstairs and Neve keeps wandering around, slamming doors as she goes.  Emily joins cat chase and makes plentiful noise doing so.  Both girls eventually settle into their bedroom and slam door.  Presumably they have the cat.  They begin lots of giggling and thumping around.

11:45 pm – Oona is finally asleep.  Carefully make way downstairs to let dog out one last time.  It’s pouring.  Come in, lock doors, clean up and go upstairs.  Tell girls to be quiet and go to sleep.  Go into bathroom and change into pajamas.  Wash face, brush teeth, give cats water and food.  Attempt to sneak into bed with a book.

12:15 am – peer over edge of book at spider gliding down from ceiling toward the bed.  Smoosh him between two books, waking up baby.

12:20 am – turn off lights, snuggle up next to baby, closes eyes, pray she falls back to sleep soon.