Dear Today Show Producers:

I’d like to thank you for your lovely show. It keeps me entertained in the mornings after my kid has gone off to school and that 3rd cup of coffee is struggling to take effect. I enjoy that you try to impart important life lessons and tips for better living without coming off too preachy. I am also grateful for the friendly banter between your hosts to lighten up the mood between the inevitably sad, tense, or disturbing breaking news stories. I’d also like to throw in a thank you, on behalf of the female fan base out there, for hiring Matt Lauer.

But I’d also like to say, after watching the show this morning, that I am getting some seriously mixed messages over here. For example, I put off showering an extra hour because I was waiting for your tips to get rid of my “spare tire”. I’ve recently had my third child, and you know, that area could use some major help. And, the segment delivered the goods. I felt motivated to go make a bowl of oatmeal instead of cramming down the half eaten rice krispie treat my kid left behind. I learned better workout moves to tone my obliques that I may actually be able to accomplish while cooing at my 6 month old so she doesn’t scream through my entire workout. Bravo for encouraging us to be healthier! So why is it, please tell me, that what stuck with me most was the segment featuring yummy homemade apple pies? And why, I would also like to know, did I spend my day, instead of finishing the sock I am working on for my sister (so close!):

Why did I instead spend my time making THIS:

A yummy homemade apple pie? Loaded with sugar and butter? Which I will surely eat for breakfast tomorrow morning while you tell me (probably) how to cut back on the sweets and lose the weight fast???????